Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
