I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
