I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
