I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
