Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
