so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize