totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
