so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
