I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i've created a new STD.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
