mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
two words...techno handjob
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
