you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
