she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
