I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
