everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
