everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize