he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize