Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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