Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
