Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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