I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize