so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
