i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize