I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
