Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude i'm inner monologue high
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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