i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
