I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
