sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
