I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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