i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
