I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
