Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
