im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
