see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
