You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
