The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize