...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
