Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
