Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
