I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
