So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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