Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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