hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
