the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
