maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
