Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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