Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
