My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
