The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
