Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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