atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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