you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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