no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
