I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I enjoy the company of your penis
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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