When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
