Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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