what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
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