Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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