I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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