It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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