Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
