why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
