i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
