1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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