you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
