The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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