Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
