As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
