Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
