Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
