I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
